Ragu Wants You! (to remember your traumatic childhood memories)

Dear Ragu, you’re disgusting.

Okay, perhaps that’s a bit harsh. But after we saw one of their “Long Day of Childhood” campaign ads, everybody watching tv in my room had the same reaction; “oh yuck!” followed by “oh wow that’s an ad for pasta sauce? Wtf?”

Just take a look for yourself:

The last time I checked, aren’t food ads supposed to make you feel hungry? I mean, my stomach is churning right now… for the wrong reasons.

Let’s take an analytical perspective at this:

 

A boy walks out into a room, where his mother wipes pasta sauce off of his face. With her spit.

Hmm… so this must be a lysol commercial, right? That’s pretty nasty. And if you ask me, the last thing this makes me think of is food. I mean, walking around with food on your face is pretty gross, if you ask me, but I can mentally imagine a nice big can of Lysol coming out of the closet soon. I mean, that’s what has to happen, right?

After which point the country singer re-iterates that yes, indeed she just wiped his face with spit

Still nasty. Still no Lysol. Where are those wipes when you need them, anyways? (you can use those on people’s faces, right?)

and re-iterates it again

I think I’ve gotten the point. And literally, the slow-mo’s and zoom in’s to this woman’s finger from her tongue to this boy’s face is making me start to feel a little bit physically ill.

oh, and just in case you didn’t know, she just used spit to wash off his face

MAKE. IT. STOP!

after which he is suddenly at the dinner table holding a bottle of Ragu

Whew- at least that woman isn’t wiping her spit on that boy’s face anymore. Oh, wait, but what’s this? That’s not a can of Lysol wipes! It’s food? Oh God, get the barf bags on the ready.

and we can conclude that what was on his face originally was, you guessed it, Ragu sauce

Oh yum! Did you know that Ragu sauce is the official source of misery in the lives of children in the lives of children worldwide? Meaning all of this wouldn’t have happened if he hadn’t been fed Ragu in the first place! The Horror!

Family dinner with more pasta. Insert guilt trip: you make this poor child’s life absolutely horrible. The least you can do is feed him some Ragu, right?

You are all horrible people and by this point I have officially sworn to never touch another bottle of Ragu sauce again for the sake of humanity.

 

Yikes. It may be time to hire a new ad agency. Just maybe.